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VGAs Recap

December 13 2010


VGAs Recap
by Samodean

It’s another December and time for the fourth running of Spike’s Video Gama Awards. I remember a happier time like… last year… when I didn’t have to watch this freaking show, and would just catch the game reveals online. Well, now I’m staff at a big, awesome website and so, this year, I watched the whole show. Damn it.

The show starts off with an intentionally cheese song-and-dance routine introducing our host for the evening, none other than Neil Patrick Harris. He doesn’t want to sing and shoots all the other guys. Okay then, I guess they’re the lucky ones.

The intro rolls and NPH tells a few jokes, though you wouldn’t know it from the audience’s reaction. I laughed. He tells us about a new, “augmented reality” feature for tonight’s show. Spike has partnered with the game developers to create graphic overlays for the stage that the viewers at home get to see. Sucks to be in the audience, but they got free food, so I guess we’re even. Overall, the augmented reality added nothing to the show. I wonder how much of the budget they used.

Next we move on to the first Game of the Year nominee, Call of Duty: Black Ops. NPH is tied down in a chair, in a recreation of the interrogation room in the game. A video package rolls, and we’re out.

Now for our first big reveal of the night; Batman: Arkham City. It’s all CG, but freaking amazing. A shadowy figure gives a voice-over while Batman beats up a bunch of cops in the rain. The narrator turns out to be Doctor Hugo Strange and he knows Batman is Bruce Wayne. Great video, I’m really excited for this game.

Time for our first award!

Studio of the Year
Nominees: BioWare, Blizzard, Bungie, Rockstar: San Diego
Winner: BioWare

Not a bad start to the show, a deserving winner (if not the one I would have picked). And… why is Dane Freaking Cook coming out? Apparently, Dane is presenting the Best Character Award, introducing characters throughout the show. The first nominee is Ezio from Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood. Oh boy, apparently each nominee has their own video, accepting the nomination. Ezio’s video is him warning the audience of the Templar’s influence. Well, that was interesting, but will somebody PLEASE shut Dane Cook up?

Monks are now filling the stage; apparently Bethesda has an announcement for us. Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim will be coming out November 11, 2011. The trailer didn’t really show much, but it doesn’t really have to for the game to be a huge success.

Back to NPH, who wonders when games will be successful enough for their own porn parodies. He has a few titles in mind: Halo: Reach-Around, World of Whorecraft, Call of Booty: Pre-Ops, Grand Theft Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation: Carradine City and Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11. Not even NPH can make some of this stuff funny.

Mortal Kombat has an announcement. Scorpion is kicking Sub Zero’s ass and is about to deliver the killing blow when Sub zero is pulled off screen by KRATOS. Kratos will be an exclusive playable character in the PS3 version of the new Mortal Kombat. The video is followed up with a big, loud GameStop promo. Nice.

Time for our next Best Character nominee, Kratos. Apparently, the cameraman was careless enough to interrupt Kratos while he was in the middle of a Quick-Time event with a few ladies. Unfortunately, Dane Cook had to open his mouth.

Thor: God of Thunder is the next reveal. Well, they get points for a trailer consisting of all gamepay instead of CGI, but it… doesn’t look very good.

Best Action/Adventure Game
Nominees: Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, God of War 3, Red Dead Redemption, Super Mario Galaxy 2
Winner: Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood
Good choice, but something seems a bit weird when those four games are in the same category.

Who are Spike.com’s Strongest Heroes? Master Chief, Samus and Marcus Fenix, only one of which actually appeared in a game this year.

My Chemical Romance performs after the worst introduction in the history of award shows by Denise Richards. Maybe I’m getting old, but these guys were awful.

Nick Swardson, another not-as-funny-as-people-think-he-is person is backstage discussing trash talk in online games. He said he’d cut off the head of some guy’s mother. Why, Spike, why?

The second Game of the Year Nominee is Mass Effect 2. Nothing special here, jusy OHMYGOD Mass Effect 3! The CGI looks amazing. The Reapers have found Earth, and Shepard need to get there while there’s still an Earth to save. Holiday 2011. Hell yes.

Best Shooter
Nominees: Battlefield: Bad Company 2, BioShock 2, Call of Duty: Black Ops, Halo: Reach
Winner: Call of Duty: Black Ops

Apparently, Olivia Munn is upset that NPH is hosting the awards instead of her, and NPH is upset he’s never had an “around the world boner.”

Hey, look! It’s Resistance 3! The trailer goes back and forth between live action and actual gameplay and looks pretty cool. Wait, what? That’s not live action? That’s CGI?! Wow. Very impressive. Releases September 6, 2011

John Marsden is our next Best Character nominee. Rockstar completely phoned in his video, it’s just the Red Dead Redemption trailer, recut with some different audio. SHUT UP, DANE COOK!

As if one unnecessary Nick Swardson segment wasn’t enough, he’s out to present God of War 3 as the next game of the year nominee. The video package makes extensive use of the augmented reality thing, but it all looks like a big Disney World stage show.

Dane Cook, Nick Swardson now more freaking Dane Cook? Whatever. The final Best Character nominee is Sgt Frank Woods from Call of Duty: Black Ops. He’s in Vietnam and still looks like Ben Stiller from Tropic Thunder.

Best Performance by a Human Male
Nominees: Gary Oldman (Call of Duty: Black Ops), John Cleese (Fable III), Martin Sheen (Mass Effect 2), Nathan Fillion (Halo: Reach), Niel Patrick Harris (Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions), Rob Wiethoff (Red Dead Redemption), Sam Worhington (Call of Duty: Black Ops)
Winner: Niel Patrick Harris
Big surprise, there. He accepts his award with Spider-Man via satellite. It’ pretty painful, but at least a little funny. Also, I know there’s an award for Human female, but I never saw it mentioned during the show.

Damn, when did Tony Hawk get so old? Anyway, he’s here with the premiere of Prototype 2. The protagonist in Prototype 2 was a soldier in the first game who was transformed by the main character, and now wants revenge. It’s an interesting and unexpected twist.

NPH wants to play Angry Birds LIVE, but PETA calls and the director forces him to start. “The Oscars would have let me do it.”

Guillermo del Toro comes out to talk about his secret project. He says that Hollywood has become stubborn and only considers video games as a way to cash in on a franchise. He’s a gamer, so he wants to make a game with Hollywood-quality production. The teaser plays. It’s called Insane, the teaser was nothing more than a logo and it comes out in 2013. Oooookay…

Best Independent Game
Nominees: Joe Danger, Limbo, Super Meat Boy, The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom
Winner: Limbo
For the record, no video was included for any of the games, just del Toro reading their names off a card. Way to give them exposure, Spike.

The guys from Spike’s Deadliest Warrior come out to announce new characters coming to their game that nobody plays. Also, they have a video for the Most Anticipated Game, Portal 2. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Was that an actual award?

NPH has a piano and gives a great performance while a video package plays remembering fallen game characters from recent years. Apparently, they spoil the ending of Red Dead Redemption, but I haven’t played it so I can’t be sure. Also, including NBA Elite on the list was hilarious.

AWARD LIGHTNING ROUND!
Best Driving: Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit
Best Adapted: Scott Pilgrim vs the World: The Game
Most Anticipated: Portal 2
Best RPG: Mass Effect 2
Best Music Game: Rock Band 3
Best Soundtrack: DJ Hero 2
I guess Portal 2 winning Most Anticipated Game was an actual award. Also, it’s a good thing they didn’t let these AWARDS clog up their AWARD show. There wouldn’t have been enough time for the horrible backstage segments.

The next Game of the Year is Red Dead Redemption. This was the highlight of the show. Their presentation was Jose Gonzales playing the song “Far Away” over a video package of the game. The song was fantastic, and they just let the game shine. Though, Spike is making it a BIT obvious who the Game of the Year winner will be, this is by far the most screen time any nominee has had.

There’s a Hobbit on stage. He introduces the guys from the crappy American version of Top Gear and THEY introduce Forza Motorsport 4. How many Forza games have come out since development started on Gran Turismo 5? It certainly is shiny and comes out all 2011.

The TMZ people are on the show. Really? They break news stories like Pac Man getting divorced and Master Chief getting caught with a weapon by the TSA while boarding a plane. “Who are you going to hurt with a Needler?” Okay, that was an awful segment, but almost worth it for that line.

Help me, Nathan Fillion, you’re my only hope. Captain Mal is out to introduce the final Game of the Year nominee, Halo: Reach. I’m sure he had some great hings to say, but his mic kept cutting out, and when it worked, the music overpowered his audio. The music was the usual Halo awesomeness accompanied by a live violin player.

More porn titles! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turdholes, Assassin’s Cream: Brotherhood and… we’re running long on time. Thank God.

A few weeks ago, I was wondering what had happened to the SSX games. Now I know. SSX: Deadly Descents lets you snowboard down every major mountain range on Earth. It looks cool, but seems too gritty and realistic, losing the charm of its predecessors. No release date was given.

I promise, this is the last time Dane Cook will come out tonight. The winner of Best Character is Sgt Woods. We go back to Vietnam and he’s ACTUALLY HOLDING the award. Then he gets tortured.

The final reveal of the night is a good one. Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception starts with Drake in a desert at the site of a plane crash. The camera pans out and he’s actually in the middle of the damn desert. Sucks to be him. We get a few flashes of awesome gameplay and a release date: November 1, 2011.

Finally, we’re in the home stretch and it’s time for Game of the Year. The winner is….. Red Dead Redemption! RDR also won for Best Original Score, Best Song in a Game and Best DLC.

NPH closes out the show, saying “What a perfect way to end my hosting career.” Yeah… that sounds about right.

I need an Excedrin.



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Comments


dpking2222 06:42am, 12/15/2010

Elder Scrolls V makes me very, very happy.

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